YOUR ADVICE NEEDED ON MY MARRIAGE!!! URGENTLY!!!!?
i have been married for 2 years and I have a beautiful little girl who will be 3 in june who is the world to me.
my problem is this, my wife even before we became "serious" has always relied to much on her mums opinion and will go along with whatever she says. If ever we fell out even over alittle things she would go and stay with her (which is over an hours drive away) until I apologied. You see, I’ve always given in to whatever she wanted and I have built a rod for my own back.
We have been having financial problems lately and she now wants to sell the house and move all 3 of us in with her mum and dad. It was my home before she moved in with me and I love it dearly. The money problem could simply be solved by getting a lodger as we just about break even each month now so an extra £250-£350 would be plenty plus I have a new job in which I work a fair amount of overtime which pays quite well. I have also offered to rent the house out and move in but she just wants me to sell.
Also speaking to my mum (and not making her aware of any of this) my wife told her that HER MUM wants us to sell the house and move in with them.
What are your thoughts?
My thought: get a lodger, and tell your wife you’re staying right where you are. Tell her that if she wants to move to her mother’s house, feel free, but that if she tries to take your daughter from her primary residence, you will call the police and have her arrested for kidnapping.
No, screw that. Your best bet is to move your family to the US, and put an ocean between your wife and her mother.
Sounds like your life would be more controlled by your mother in law than it already is. It was your home before you married, she shouldn’t even be discussing it with her mother.
Be master in your own household and do not sell. Make other economies that will stop the small defeciet.
don’t sell!!!!! Quit listening to her! And don’t move in with her parents. What about her getting a job, if she is so against the lodger?
You are puzzy whipped face it man , gets some porn and become a man.
Why would you sell if there is a way to get out of the mess and keep your home. I would stand my ground.
I wouldn’t move in with the in laws! Trust me that’s the fastest way for a divorce!
Why can’t your wife get a part time job?
She needs to grow up and stop running to her mother! Tell her that as a married couple you and your daughter are her family now and she needs to put you two first!
NEVER>>>>>
She is married to you, she doesn’t OWN you. She cannot force you to leave your house and live with her parents. Sounds a bit childish. Tighten your belts & one of you get a p/t job until ends meet. If she refuses, send her to her mums and get some roommates. You will be miserable living w/ her parents.
Well i know that everytime in my life i have a problem i would turn to my mum or dad. this is no bad thing, she has known them alot longer than you, and nice she has a support system outside you, so dont blame her for that. I can also see her problem about moving a lodger in, i wouldnt want a stranger living with me and my children. Is there no chance you can sell and buy a smaller place? I would not be able to move back in with parents, unless it was very very short term, eg a few months to get some money. If that is the deal then go ahead, but if she means indefinately i think you should have a chat with her, infact i think you should be talking to her anyway rather than asking strangers their opinion. Good luck!
cut back on your spending habits and keep your house !!
you wont need a renter to move in !
your woke need to work as well !!
You need to become the man in your relationship. Your wife is going to get you into even more trouble. She is letting her mother control her, and you are letting her control you. She continues to do this because you give in, and that is all that she knows. It might hurt a bit, but let her go. Tell her that you have a marriage and your mother or her mother has nothing to do with it. If she loves you and wants to be married to you, then she needs to stop being a baby, and suggesting sobotaging your marriage by bringing other people into it, and then trying to execute their plans for your possessions. You may want to try counseling also. If she is that stupid to run around doing what mommy tells her to do, then you need to let her realize it and stand your ground. If she doesn’t come around, then she really has a serious issue that may never be solved, unless she can get a reality check.
If you start letting go of your assets, then what will you have in the future? Do you have anything to fall back on? Especially if the mother decides that she doesn’t want you living there anymore. Then when she puts you out, what then? Think about your child, you need a stable home, and her mothers’ residence isn’t the answer.
Moving in with in-laws is never a good idea unless you absolutely have to. Try to reach a compromise with your wife and make sure you always discuss things with her before discussing them with your mom. See if there are any areas where you can cut your spending or if you have anything you can sell besides the house.
I realize that the house was yours before you got married, but you are married now and it has become both of your house. I know it sounds silly, but if you are willing to keep the house that you love even after your wife concretely decides that she wants to be rid of it, she may feel that you are putting the house above her in priority, and that’s not good.
I wish you the best in your decision making. Good luck!
done sell your house – You need to deal with this problem between the 2 of you – if you move with her mother you will be misearble and by the sounds of it they are like a team. They will team up and you will feel isolated, have a chat with your wife – put your foot down, tell her you want to get a lodger.
Maybe think about selling your house and finding something cheaper – preferably even further away from her mum by the sounds of it lol
all jokes aside – I am a guilty party when it comes to running to my mum but after 5 years I have learnt that sometimes sitting in seperate rooms is far enough away until things rest.
hope it all works out and wish you luck with fortune xxx
Sounds to me like selling would be a disaster. Your wife needs to be woken up to the fact that your views are relevant and legitimate – your husband and wife – these things should be worked out together without interference from her mother. Your wife needs to cut the apron strings.
Perhaps marriage counselling might help – you can also get debt counselling which may also be of use.
Best of luck to you and your family – times are hard at the moment.
Don’t sell it ! ! You often apologized and now the balance is lost between you and your wife. Be aware, you can find yourself without house and wife.
She needs to grow up, live her own life and be your spouse, not your kid. I feel for you.
Who has the balls in your marriage anyway
you need to sit your wife down and explain to her that you will NOT be selling the house. tell her your marriage is very important to you and that you think moving in with her mother would be recipe for disaster.
be very firm but don’t shout. if she says shes going to stay at her mums let her, tell her you don’t want her to, that you love her but that if she thinks your views aren’t important then its up to her. you MUST NOT back down on this. if you do you will be under the mother in laws thumb forever.
if she goes tell her you want either your daughter to stay with you or you want regular access to her, tell her you are prepared to go to court if you have to. put like this it may give her the shock of her life and she may well just rethink things, do not apologise, you have done nothing to apologise for.if you give in and sell the house and move in with her parents you might as well say bye to any marriage you have. good luck x
I would say you should keep the house. it’s not right for her mum to interfere like that, but i honestly dont see what you could do if she wont listen to anyone but her mother. It’s your house, so it’s your decision, and if she wants to go and live with her mother, then i say let her
hun from one married parent to another,
please dont sell nor rent a room
a) lodging is allowing someone into your private zone therefore may incur more strain and pressure on the marriage
b) you are allowing someone to be around your child,
becareful
why i say not to move to her moms is
a) your married so again for privacy, as little privacy incurs problems
b) your child, the wife will listen to everything day and night to her and may cause problems with stuff like views on dicipline and spoiling
c) what if the relationships breaks down, dont want to cast that look but… if that does you will be the one walking
d) overcrowding
so i would generate extra income via employment or seek help from the state whilst studying
but……….. its down to you, whatever you decide i wish you luck
I think just make sure the lodger is not a flirt, as many people try to wreck marriages. Because we live in chaotic – uncivilised times.
Don’t do it! your married. Your a family of one. Problems will come hopefully not but there’s always something that will bother you. It even may grow you guys apart. Get a one bedroom apartment you shouldn’t be ashamed of renting or being in a one bedroom apt. You have to sacrifice. it’s reality.