need serious advice extremely upset rite now?
iv never really been outgoing and i dont really have alot of confidence, i met my fiance 4yrs ago and he has everythin i dont, drive,push,confidence,high expectations amongst lots more, i was just out of work when i met him and then few months later i fell pregnant,bad preg and a baby who was back an forth to hospital and didnt really sleep alot, my parents have been a really big help,when my child was 4 months my partner and i rented an apartment ten minutes walk from my parents, weve since moved to a house same distance away, im also very close to my mum, my partner had the chance to build a house a year ago and he told me it was a good idea as it can be an investment, sell it rent it or we could even move into it, the prob is i dont drive its an hour and half drive away from my parents and its isolated, i grew up in housing estate,im sice taking drive lessons, my partner decided to broach the subject with me tonight(in a restaurant) as to whether or not wer moving into it, be ready in 6 months he reckons i be well up driving then, i started putting up loads of obstacles as to why i didnt see it as a good idea, im willing to go half hour drive away max, he started getting very loud and unknown to him people where startin to stare as he was bangin the table trying to make a point, i stead silent till i got a word in an asked to leave rite then and there which we did came home havent spoke two words, im really upset as i feel when this venture was first put to me i was given loads of options not just are we moving there or not, i no we cant keep renting esp: with one temp income, and it would be a better place and education for our child,i just feel im going to hate it and all the moving and then moving again. anyone any advice i no its not the kinda question you would like to answer
hes a big family and all his siblings are beside his parents i mean some are neighbours. il admit change is killing me i gave some ppl thumbs up as hard as it was suppose the truth hurts, think what got to me was the time and place he picked to talk about this seem as hed drank 4-5 beers already and another 3 when we got home and thats every evening
I found your posting confusing. You mention that your lack self-confidence and that your partner embodies all the attributes that you wish you had but you’re letting your lack of confidence and dependence on your parents to cloud your judgement.
When you say, "partner", though, be sure think about what the word means. Decisions should be a partnership and you have to give as well as take in any real relationship that’s worth the time you put into it. That said, not only should he be aware and open to your reservations for moving, but you should be open and understanding of how and why moving might be the best thing for your family. Your hesitation in moving should not be based on your fear of moving away from your parents. Your posting mentions a lot of benefits to moving that seem to well outweigh the negatives. You mentioned that you think you’ll hate it but you didn’t really say why. I suggest writing a list of pros/cons of moving to this new house and talking each one through with your partner.
I hope you both come to a mutual decision. Don’t let your dependency on your parents limit your ability to grow and do what’s best for your family, though. An hour and a half isn’t as convenient as a ten-minute walk, but its not bad.
Good luck.
get over it
That has to be the longest run-on sentence I’ve ever had the misfortune of reading. I’d re-write using sentences and a couple of paragraphs.
That’s my advice.
Remember, punctuation is your friend.
Your relationship does not have the best foundation. Additionally, you seem to have reservations about really having a life with this guy as you want to be near your parents. Frankly, if he has so much drive and ambition and high expectations, this may even run its’ course and end. Follow your instincts. If you want to stay with your parents, do it. You alone know the real state of your relationship.
To be honest I think I’m going to take his side on this. It seems as though you’ve put up barriers to this idea in all kinds of ways without seriously considering whether it’s a good idea. I also think you should consider how he feels about it since it may well be the case that he thought it was something you might come round to and, since you never said no, he feels you led him on throughout whilst never intending to move in. I suggest you talk calmly to him about it, explain your fears and seriously consider whether you are happy with at least trying something different. Who knows, if you cut the apronstrings you might find your own two feet and find your own confidence, push, drive and experience increasing!
it wasn’t right that he started banging the table and being loud.
moving is a choice a couple should make together… he is discussing the subject with you so he must care to a certain degree. i’d say let him know your concerns, let him know that you would not like the isolation. he might be right, you might be driving by then in which case i guess you could drive over to your parents at the start of the day and head back home at the end of the day. so why not propose that you delay moving in till after you have passed driving tests and what not for sure so that there is zero chance of you ending up isolated?
at the end of the day, if you are unhappy to move, you need to make him aware of that and he needs to respect it. sure he is the one earining the money, but you will be the onw waiting at home alone.
so when you bought the land, didn’t you think how isolated it was?.. this is your family, and as much as your parents helped you after you fell pregnant you cant cling your life around them.
Some people never grow up and sever the apron strings
Don’t worry, he’ll probably find another honey to share his new house with…
Don’t sweat it !
Home is where you make it not where your family is..I am moving to another country because of my husband leaving my two adult children behind..Your partner is trying to make a future for you and your child and you are just slapping him in the face because of it.. shame on you
The truth is with you Amber you dont want to more than 10mins away from your mom ??
He has built your own home you are havin driving lessons !!
He has every reason to be cross .
You are very lucky he could be havin an affair ???
It doesn’t sound to me as though you ever had any intention of moving into the house your "fiance" is building. You should have been honest with him from the beginning. You seem to be the sort of person who just lays back and lets things happen, and then gets upset when they don’t turn out for the best.
Until you change your attitude your life is going to be a mess. Your mum isn’t always going to be there for you, and with your attitude, it is doubtful that anyone else will be, either. No one wants a partner who ignores what is best for one’s children because you might have to move out of your comfort zone.
Time to grow up and start acting like an adult. How do you expect to have any confidence if you never put forth any effort to accomplish anything new? You are probably upset because you know you just can’t go through life riding on your mum’s hip. Give your partner and your parents a break and start taking some responsibility for your family.
You dont say why you dont drive here so if you did, this would appear to be less of the problem youre making out of this. True, moving is never easy or fun but its part of life and once done its done for awhile. It would seem to me that your partner wants some distance between your parents and him which is understandable. You have two choices here, either move or stay and the latter youre going to lose probably more than you really want to. Think about what you really want then go from there. Good luck and Happy Holidays
It sounds to me that he is trying to do everything that he can to give his family a home of their own and he is a bit underwhelmed by your lack of enthusiasm, you seem to want to be near to your parents more than you want to be with him, the poor guy is doing everything right, he is even trying to get your opinion about what you should do, he wants you to be involved and just wants you to be committed to your relationship and future in the same way that he is, he sounds like a stand up sort of person, it would be a shame to ruin a good opportunity to have what most people want, a home and family, you are an adult with your own child, it is time to cut the apron strings and go for a good future without the safety net of your parents, you will still be close to your parents but you do not need to live in their pockets, nobody knows how their life will turn out as far as relationships go but you have a better start than most, you never know, the move may actually give you more confidence and make you become more independent.
Wait till you are no longer upset. explain to him you never really thought that you guys would move there so you need a bit of time to think about it.
Maybe you get you licence any way.maybe you start by going there for weekends, If you try it and you don’t like you can move again, not such a big deal!
I think you are bit afraid of change, but until you try something you will never know if you like it or not. but he needs to help you adjust by letting you have time to seriously process it all.
we are not all spontaneous being
It is natural, not to want to move too far away from your parents!. But, the time does come, when you have to make up your mind?. Your husband wants to move on, with you!,to make a better life? for you, whats wrong with that???