My Husband just won't stop gambling, I do love him but I'm so unhappy! What shall I do?
My Husband has always gambled since before I knew him 10 years ago! He kept it hidden for the first year of being together. He stops for months at a time saying he will never do it again but always goes back to it! We are married with a 4 year old and a 14 week old. It is now the worst ever! We have NOTHING!! He has lost everything. We drive around in a car that probably isn’t safe for small children with illegal tyres! My family won’t have anything to do with him but don’t know he gambles but know I am unhappy. His father owns our house and we rent it from him but haven’t paid rent in months so he now is thretening to sell and I can’t blame him! We honestly don’t have a penny so feel trapped because I couldn’t leave if I wanted to as have NO money! Can’t get any credit a srating soooo poor. I do love him as when not gambling the nicest person I know but when gambling a horrible bully. I can’t take it anymore but what can I do? I went to the citizens advice bureau but they just said sort finances out first! But I can’t!
What should I do? Please don’t answer if not trying to offer serious advice as at the end of my tether.
You are obviously aware of how serious your situation is right now, and you must expect that there will be no easy answer to this.
Firstly, yes, a gambling problem of this severity is an illness, but that cannot be your first concern right now. You must look to the welfare of your children and your own welfare. There is nothing wrong or selfish about taking that approach – it is simply the right thing to do.
You need to separate your husbands financial affairs from your own. However you do that is up to you, have him removed from your home to start.
Next, don’t bear all of this on your own – tell his family, or at least his father. If your father-in-law owns your home, then perhaps he is wealthy enough to support your children (his grandchildren) while your husband gets the help he needs.
The short answer here is get more people involved – you need as much help as you can get, and that help may be available to you simply by letting those close to you know of your situation.
Best of luck.
Your husband has an illness, and I’d suggest starting at Gamblers Anonymous: http://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/
They have lists of meetings and help for those addicted.
If he gambles online then you can get software to block gambling sites too, such as gamblock.
My advice would be to get him help, you cannot live like this.
Not much you can do as it is 90% up to your husband. Unless he wants to stop then he wont be able to start the process. Contact gamblers anonymous or http://www.gamcare.org.uk.
Unfortunately in these situations the person needs to hit rock bottom with no possible way out before they have enough motivation to try to sort it out. Looks like you and him are getting close to that point.
You will have to sit him down and tell him the truth of your situation. If you dont tell him no one else will.
Do you think your family does not know or just dont mention it?
you are at decision time on your future, and a decision is something you have been avoiding by the sound of it..1st the gambling is at a level that its ruining your family life. 2nd if he cant see that the kids and you come before his addiction then he is a lost cause, and lost causes have to be dealt with..poverty wont keep your love for this guy, he is not providing the basics..if you want a better life then a separation from the cause of your problems is needed, go back to your parents and let him know how it feels to go without, life is so bad for you now, it can only improve when your income is your own, benefits or wages are in your control, what have you got to lose when you don’t have anything anyway !
His side of the family should have to know to help him and to understand and you have to really tell him how you feel (although I should imagine you’ve already done that several times). Perhaps make serious threats on leaving him and another good thing to do would be to make restrictions on the money he is allowed.
And it wasn’t very responsible to give birth to 2 children when you knew that your husband gambles.
1. Get help in finding a place to live.
2. Divorce him.
He was gambling long before he met you and yet he chose not to warn you about his problem AND he had a child with you! As for being a "nice person" when he’s not gambling that’s total b*llsh*t, I’m sure he’s very charming when he’s "borrowing" money from people but when he loses all his (their) money his mood turns sour and you see his true colors.
See if you can’t set up some kind of separate bank account to put aside a little money in; if he doesn’t know about it then he can’t steal it.
Don’t make excuses for him, he knows he has a gambling problem and he can pick up the damn phone as easily as anyone else to get help but he chooses not to.
Get him to ’self exclude’ himself from all the local bookies. You will have to go into them, and ask for teh ’self exclusion form’ and fill it out. You can also add other shops onto this form, so if you want to get him exclided from all the Betfreds in the area you can add them onto this form (bring photos of him, its needed to help the other shops ban him)
I work in a bookies, and we take these seriously.
I hope this helps, i hope you can resolve this in some way.
Move to some place where gambling is illegal or at least hours of drive away and hope this will stop him.
You have to cut him off from the current environment and let him calm down from this obsession, then try to help him to get better.
Well if he’s gambling online just take his computer
If he’s gambling in real life just call the police
I have been gambling my whole life and have seen a lot of bad gamblers! I am sure he has a gambling problem and I am also sure he has a wonderful wife! I am not a professional therapist… I am a professional gambler… when I read your article and everyone responses I thought I would put in my 2 cent and hope it helps. Just like everything in this world gambling is ok within reason… It will be easier for you to put him on a small small weekly allowance for gambling… If you just tell him to stop cold turkey he will not like it or do it .. If you can agree on a allowance and stick to it.. it will help ween him off the rush and high.. after a short period of time the hope is that you can cut the allowance in half and then down to nothing… Most gamblers I have met in my life our wonderful people and stand by your man… also ask him if he is trying to gamble for your family and if he is forgive him for the losses and tell him that the family will do ok with out the cash…
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AZ
Gambling is NOT a conventional sickness or disease – its mostly a impulse control disorder and lack of self control or responsibility
people catch diseases – its fair – its random and people NEVER want to try it, they never get a rush or high out of the experience.
All Gamblers Ive ever met never always WANTED to willingly give it a try. This is why Ive never thought gamblers are victims, most just dont understand the odds against them, even if they are GOOD.
If you have no responsibilities its one thing as its your life, but your husband give up his rights to be selfish and think only about himself when he got married and had a kid.
If you cant get him to understand this you MUST leave him. Its very hard to make it as a gambler, only 1% make it if that much. And its even more impossible to try to blend happy healthy relationships and be a full time gambler.
He has a choice to make and so do you! I wish you well
Good Luck:)