My Husband just won't stop gambling, I do love him but I'm so unhappy! What shall I do?
My Husband has always gambled since before I knew him 10 years ago! He kept it hidden for the first year of being together. He stops for months at a time saying he will never do it again but always goes back to it! We are married with a 4 year old and a 14 week old. It is now the worst ever! We have NOTHING!! He has lost everything. We drive around in a car that probably isn’t safe for small children with illegal tyres! My family won’t have anything to do with him but don’t know he gambles but know I am unhappy. His father owns our house and we rent it from him but haven’t paid rent in months so he now is thretening to sell and I can’t blame him! We honestly don’t have a penny so feel trapped because I couldn’t leave if I wanted to as have NO money! Can’t get any credit a srating soooo poor. I do love him as when not gambling the nicest person I know but when gambling a horrible bully. I can’t take it anymore but what can I do? I went to the citizens advice bureau but they just said sort finances out first! But I can’t!
What should I do? Please don’t answer if not trying to offer serious advice as at the end of my tether.
Seriously, you need to to leave him. Cold turkey.
Are you willing to suffer your ability to provide for you and your child because he has a problem that he has refused to quit, repeatedly?
You must weigh what is most important to you but I guarantee that his habit of gambling will always outweigh the need to provide food, shelter, and clothing for you and yours.
There are places out there that will aid women who are having difficult times, I suggest you take advantage of those services by searching the net or using the Chamber of Commerce.
Leave him, it is not worth it to stay with him. It is not love because if it was he would place you and your family first, like a real man would.
He is making an obvious effort to satisfy his wants and needs, but what about you, the person he married, and the child you have together?
I recieved a TD but you need to seriously ask yourself how much your children’s well being means to you because right now, the children you have with him, is something to gamble with.
First, gambling is an addiction. And people get into all addictions because they are in pain. The gambling is just a symptom of something much more severe. WHY is he in pain? This usually takes counseling to get to the root of the problem. Most addicts do not know why they do they things they do – they just do them because it makes them feel better. And the question remains: Feel better from WHAT?
Google up Celebrate Recovery and find out where/when in your area. It’s like AA for alcoholics but goes way deeper into all forms of addiction. It is church based and therefore Christ based. And it goes further that basic addiction – it takes into the account the other side of addiction – ANGER!
Anger is pain turned outward and we’re back to where we started. It all comes from pain.
Note: look to the father. This is where almost all pain originated. A man gets his greatest wound from the father. ("Wild at Heart"; John Eldredge)
This is seriously affecting your marriage, family and future together. You need to sit him down and tell him he needs to sort this out or you will be forced to take the family so you can offer them a more stable life style. It is not fair of him to put this pressure on you and your children.
I am not saying cut him loose and sort it on his own. Find a counsellor who can help him with his problems. Go with him to his meetings and show your support. He is your husband and I am sure you love him otherwise you would not be here asking us what to do. Its going to be a bumpy road but your husband has an addiction, and maybe not a traditional one but still an addiction. He needs to know how it makes you feel, how affects your life and how it affects your relationship. He likely knows it is bad but probably not to the extent it has actually come too. Hopefully you two can sort it out together but if not you need to think about your children’s future. Unfortunately these are decisions you need to make when you have children, and I sure hope you don’t have to cut ties and go off on your own.
Hang in there, and fight for your marriage. Through sickness and health, help your husband get help. Good luck.
Tell him you got 20 bucks that says if he doesn’t knock this shit off, you’re going to divorce him. Dare him to take you up on that bet.
I have had experience of this and I found the only way I could control things was to make sure my husband’s wage was paid into my own personal bank account or go with him to the bank and set up a standing order for most of his salary to go to your bank. You must become responsible for paying all the bills, food, everything and just leave him enough for his pocket say £20 each week if you can afford it, to do whatever with, he will gamble it but at least you know exactly how much is being spent on gambling. If he argues with this then I think you have to let him know that the marriage wont last otherwise and be really forthright with him. If he isn’t working and you are getting benefits then the same must happen you control all of the money and give him some small amount to do what ever he wants. You must get control of the finances now otherwise you are going to go downhill completely. If he won’t do this or he bullies you for more money then I think you will have to try and sort a life out without him, I know it is really hard and you probably don’t want to comtemplate this but for your childrens sake it will be the best thing for your children. I hope he will agree to letting you take over the finances though. When your finances are under YOUR control you will be able to much cope better!
Nothing you can do.. my mother is a gambler… she has lost all of my father’s retirment… leave him before you end up homeless!
Get the man to gamblers anonymous NOW! You need to get him help and then if he does not change, get his family to intervene or hold an intervention, if that does not work, see if your family will take you and the kids in until he changes. I would also get a job if you can, and save up money in a seperate account where all your information goes to your parents house, and that way he cannot touch the money and live off that until he gets his act together.
just leave him, give him space. than he will realize what loneliness is and how bad is to hurt ur partner with ur bad deeds.