I have left my partner now and why do I feel guilty, did I do the right thing?
Its been since Friday last week that I left my partner of 1 year. I think everyone remembers the reasons why I did ie he kept from me for a year his 6 credit cards, the remortgage loan from years back, the payments he hasnt been paying re the house bills, mortgage, car and he wants to sell that house now and move into my flat or rent but what I am worried about is credit ratings for me.
He sends me emails daily trying his hardest to get to some kind of ultimatum but clearly I cant get my head around this, he has lied from the start and admitted to not telling why because I would have run from the beginning. Whats more confusing is he says he was honest from the start with me, but then back tracks and says he wishes he told me sooner because none of this would happened but then if he told me at start he wouldnt know how I would react, Personally I might have been able to deal with it better than this but I have lost trust. Alongside looking at a dating site and emailing someone 3 months on and suggesting drugs to someone over email makes me think twice about him anyway.
My parents agree they couldnt live with someone who lied at the beginning and took a year and the rest to match re his finances and other personal affairs. He writes to me today with this, see what you think:
so are you completely switching me off now … is there not a slim chance that we could find a way of sorting all this out hun … i cant help feeling the way i do about you … life is never easy .. im still going to sort out my issues ( and they are my issues ) .. this does not effect the way i feel or want you or even what i wanted for you and i only ever ever wanted for us to be happy and content .. you probably feel better already having moved out …. but surely you still have some feelings for me .. i know you can be cold and stubborn etc ….
you are lucky in that you have your family close by and somebody to talk to .. i dont have that facility and have to sort things out myself in my own head … yes i have made some mistakes.. i should have got out of my house last feburuary or at least rented out the rooms to help get through the tough months that have been and gone …. this would have helped considerably ….. i opened up to you completely and you ran away … i was being totally honest with you babe … that shows you how much you meant to m e.. ( yes i should have done it sooner i know and im suffering fo rthat now ) i wanted to then show you that i will get it all sorted but wanated you by my side.. now if it meant you moving out yet we could still be togethere i could have taken that on the chin as i dont blame you .. it gives you the space you need and also enables me to sort everything out.. but at the sametime we can still be a couple…. we got on great .. you know that …. we did do loads of things over the last few months… there is no need to throw it all away just like that … we can still have that dream of yours… xxxx the full works …. xxxx
That full works was by the way me wanting to move into another hosue, but paying off his debts would be something we would have to do and after him missing mortgage payments and car payments I could never trust him with money, and would hate to think I had to mother him months of being with him alongside taking money off him to make sure all this was paid off. He has had a debt advisor in to consolidate all his money into one so its easier, but I cant believe how much he owes over the years, he is 41….!?!?
I know what I am doing is right, but cant seem to budge from this negative feeling I have for him and just want to move on from him…
any suggestions
many thanks
Hello,
Well, in my opinion you have done the right thing. He has been very deceitful and I wonder if this may oneday leak into other aspects of your relationship.
It will be a could thing for him to change and sort everything out and it is possible, but whose to say he won’t get the urge burrow somemore money.
To be honest with you I am only 19 and I have not even been in a relationship. However, I have witnessed the relationship of my married parents and it is not a good sight. Financial issues pushes people apart and brings resentment and hate into a relationship. My mum is the big earner in the partnership and although this isn’t the main issue, my dad has burrowed countless times from various places and is in so much debt.
Seeing the struggle that my mother goes through and the stress and anger that she feels because of my dad has made me realise just how important it is to find someone who is mature and responsible with money. Even though I love my dad I have lost a lot of respect for him over the years and have learnt not to rely on him. Therefore, I would be careful if I were you because you could be setting yourself up for a fall if you take him back.
You may love him, but my mothers words were that "love dies". So it may be best to avoid a future of heartache. I wish you well in your decision and I hope things work out for you whatever you decide. Some people do change, but the fact that he kept so much from you is not a good start.
xx
Tell him when his credit score is out of the red to let you know… you’ll give him a chance to talk then. But nothing will come of you two until he is at a score of 650 or higher.
This is a guarantee that he will become responsible real quick! And you’ll know it when you tell him the final test will be you going to freecreditreport.com. with him sitting right there when you do it.
You don’t need that. One year is nothing, if he hides things from you now, imagine what you DON’T know… yet!
Please do not go back to this man. You do not have children (therefore no ties). There is no reason to stay with him, and I cannot stand a liar. It is bad enough to be bad with money but to lie about it is worse. In your heart you cannot love a liar, those words of his may be appealing but you have to live with this man. One year is not a long relationship, you can get over this real quick. Forget him, go out and have fun!