Well, first of all, there’s no reason to break up with a good guy because he has financial problems. You have your emotional relationship, and then there’s the financial side. There’s no need to mix these two up. I mean, we all know a rich guy, but who is a complete pr@t. So why give up a good guy just because he’s made some poor financial decisions. I’m sure he’s learnt his lesson by now anyway.

What I would do is:

1. If you can afford to buy a small place and pay it off on your own, then do that, DO NOT take out a joint mortgage with him , or any other joint financial arrangements, and he can move out of his current house , and live with you, so that he and his ex can sell the house. They are most likely to make a bit of a loss on it, but at least you’re looking at smaller numbers. After he’s moved in with you, he can use most of his wage to pay off his debts.

2. If you understand that,there’s your emotional relationship, which you say is great, then you have the financial issues…there’s nothing wrong with writing up a contract with him to say that you’ll take care of all the finances (or most of them) until he becomes debt free, after which he’ll have a bigger share of expenses, so that you are reimbursed for your support.

Now! I know what you’re going to say! You don’t want any money, blah blah…As women we love to mix emotions and money! But he needs to pay your money back somehow. There’s nothing wrong with drawing up a contract with him. So, let’s say that after he becomes debt free he’ll take 70% of expense (if he can afford that) until such time that you think you’ll have been fairly compensated for supporting him financially for a few years. And should your relationship end before he becomes debt free, or within so many years after he has become debt free, then you’d like some of your money back, thank you very much!!! Yes, you love him, but don’t let him use you. It’s difficult to see that when you’re in love, so just watch your back just in case.

3. Now bear in mind that he could die between now and before he is debt free, (I know that this isn’t a nice thought) which means that you’d have lost your partner, but you’d also have been supporting him financially for x number of years, so what you need to add to your ‘contract’ with him, is for him to take out life insurance payable to you between now, and when he becomes debt free. And/or so many years after he has become debt free. So that you can get your money back. Remember, help him out financially because you love him, but don’t take a financial hit, which could last for years and years after you’d have broken up or after he’d have died.. Look out for yourself, because nobody else will.

Does this sound a bit calculated? Don’t worry about. It may be an uncomfortable conversation, but remember you only have to have it once, and if you’re going to be supporting him for the next 3 – 5 years, then you need to look out for your best interests too.

A lot of couples fight over money issues because they don’t have these sorts of frank conversations. Look at it as you would a business arrangement. Write this out on a piece of paper, and present it to him. I think it’s a fantastic deal/ arrangement, and if he is a reasonable guy, and he loves you and isn’t going to mess you about, trust me this is an offer he can’t refuse. You’d be supporting him, as a loving partner, but you’d also be looking out for your financial interests as well.

Remember, no need to break up with a good guy who loves you, just because he has money problems. Emotional relationship and financial relationship are separate issues.

Good luck.