baby father gives me nothing but grief?
Hi my son is now 7 months old. I have not been with the father since I was 2 months pregnant. No matter how many times we have a discussion about our son. It ends up in arguments. It all started when I was preganant and I soon realised this man was not all he was cracked up to be. Firstly he told me he couldnt have children due to his epilepsy medication. Im pregnant 6 months into our relationship. We soon broke up but I thought I’d give it another go with him for the sake of the child. It didnt work out he was out with his friend all the time getting into fights, he didn’t pay his rent on 2 places, he was going from job to job, he was getting small loans and not paying them back he even sold a phone on ebay which didnt exist. once broken up i used to text him and he wouldnt answer my texts saying he didnt do text msg’s. He was saying he will support the baby, he wants to be a hands on father, he wants his child every weekend and will not miss seeing his child grow up. Once Jake was born, he would keep calling me and texting me saying he wants to take him for the weekend at this time he moved into his sisters place which is over an hours car journey away, (he doesn’t drive) I kept trying to explain that Jake is too small, i’m trying to get him in a routine. I stopped answering his phone calls and texts, cos it was hassling me all the time, I was trying to cope with being a new mum. I didnt put him on the birth certificate as It didnt feel right giving him parental responsibility looking at his past history. This really upset the dad, I had my reasons and its my legal right to not put him on the birth cert I tried to explain that I didnt know him well enough. He didnt pay any maintance for the first 8 weeks but the demands still kept coming. He also only used to come visit jake every 2-3 weeks. Eventually after 5 months bits of money here and there and him buying shopping now again and seeing Jake occasionally we both sat down I said to him to start coming over once a week and also set up a standing order for Jake. I was going on holiday for 3 weeks and wanted it sorted for when I come back. I get back and again no Standing order set up , but now dad was coming over once a week and still giving me a bit of cash here and there. 2 times he has asked me to go meet him with Jake. Now when I have to meet him, he keeps texting me where am I? what time will I be there?, even though I’ve already told him. On fathers day I was supposed to go to him but my batt broke on my car and time i got it fixed it was too late to drive over. he didnt believe me and i got a barrage of texts saying that I done it on purpose and come over even tho its a 2hr round trip to see Jake for half hour!!! the following week he wanted me to get on a train with Jake and just go off and do someting for a couple of hours while he was with our son , Jake. I said no, if he wants to see him he can come to my house. He has now moved but its still and hour and half train journey to get to him. As it happens my boss called a meeting with me so I said to the father that I can come meet him and he can take Jake for a couple of hours whilst at the meeting. this was on the Tuesday. So I said I wont know until Thursday what time I can meet you. I had 5 text msg saying the same thing what time, when you gona meet me between tues and thurs. Even to I said I wont know. It comes to Thursady there is a text from the father 7 am wher are you what time you meeting me grrrrrr!!!! the meeting was cancelled I eneded up getting a barrage of msgs again. the next day I had my meeting I was late getting to meet the father, he went mad at me he had text 5 times and called me 4 times. I was driving thats why I didnt answer, he didnt want to listen to any of my "excuses" and walked off with Jake. He has been late many a time and changed the days he is seeing Jake I have never said anything about it. I’m now thinking I should go see a solicitor as anything I say he wont listen, even though its what I believe is in Jakes interest. does anyone have some advice for me? he is wearing me down to the point i’m on the verge of tears everynite. I’m a single mum who lives with my mum. She doesnt want him to come round to the house anymore so this is getting even harder
No matter how many times we have come to an agreement it is always broken by him doing or saying someting stupid.
Everyting he does is to wind me up somehow, he says I just know it winds you up… so why do it then? he creates obstacles all the time especially when it comes to setting up this standing order. I think it shows commitment. He thinks that it should only be paid when he sees his son. He says he has done everything that he should be doing and that I’m the one that is being difficult. He thinks that he is the holier than thou person in all this. I’m sure he just enjoys the conflict to be fair. Why else would we be going back to square one all the time? It’s driving me mad and I want it nipped in
Since this was so long, I tried to pick out the main thing that needed to be answered here.
One thing I have learned is that almost always in this situation, you will have one parent that pushes and the other one who absorbs a lot of grief. It is very frustrating.
I’m thinking you are asking what you should do here. If so, here is my hard learned advice;
Go to court and get all major differences settled by the judge and placed in an order.
I am not saying that you still won’t be pushed a little but if you absolutely have to, you can enforce the order.
I am not trying to upset you with this part but, you have no say in what you give him and not give him as far as his parental rights. Trust me, I know what you are saying but you really have no power.
Another thing, if you have no order in place, he can pick up your child for visitation and not return him and you have no immediate recourse. You will have to rush to court. Something that he may have already done in that situation.
Finally, you have to be strong enough to put your foot down! Not necessarily with him, the courts will help you with that, but your mum. Parents often make things worse and if she is truly intent on helping you then she needs to keep from putting restrictions on this situation.
Don’t let this go much further. Get to court and try to do what is best for your child and you and the dad as well.
Definitely try to encourage the dad to spend time and not make it a difficult situation.
2 more things, are you in Canada or something? Either way, if you need more advice, feel free to email me and I will offer you all that I had learned during my journey through hell and on to custodial parent.
2nd, did you wear out your keyboard typing this question?:):)
holy crap thats alota writing
Wow we don’t need a whole life story. summarize it.
tell the judge and get him to contribute.
Leave him. He’s simply a loser, men never change unless the change comes from deep inside his heart. He sounds totally lost on life and his priorities. Leave him, leave him behind, and take the baby with you. You deserve better than this.
You need to stop communicating with him and take him to court. You need to settle child support and custody. This way you will get the money that he owes you, b/c if he doesn’t pay they will garnish his pay check. A custody hearing will settle who gets him when and for how long. This is going to be the best thing for you b/c obviously communication on both of your parts is horrible. He doesn’t sound like the best guy but I do think you could try to hold up your end of the deal a little better to. For the sake of your child you need to learn to get along. You don’t have to like each other, just respect each other. Get a lawyer, Good luck!
cut off all communication with him he’s not good for you or Jake and if he is gonna get that mad soon he’ll begin to hit Jake or you
your baby still needs to see his dad you have to put your issues between each other aside and perhaps have a meeting place half way between your homes he needs to make more effort maybe ye could speak to a family counsellor to help with your situation he should be helping you with maintenance get off his back side and get a job,
Why should he pay money to his son every month when you refused to acknowledge him on the birth certificate? That was a huge decision and I can see why that would have hurt him and in the future that will probably hurt Jake too.
I’d get legal advice…………………………………………….
You sound just as bad as him to be honest. If you want to sort it out properly then do it through the courts where neither of you can go against your word.
You say it always ends up in arguments but he can’t argue with himself. You’re contributing to it aswell. It’s up to you to be the bigger person.
im sorry but your as bad as each other!!!
1- why didn’t you put him on the birth certificate? "you didn’t know him very well" well you knew him well enough not to use protection and get pregnant! \he is the father so he should be on the certificate.
2- why dont you arrange to met him half way? im sure he can get on a train from his end and met some where so neither of you have to travel as far.
3- he sounds like he wants to see his child! let him, a lot of men just walk out and never bother with their kids!
4-i didn’t really understand all that stuff about work and meetings but it sounds to me you were using him to babysit when you need him and because your meeting was cancelled you stop him seeing your kid!
5- your mum should butt out, its got nothing to do with her, its between you and the ex.
6- you talk about money alot and yes he should be paying for him.
so it think you should go see a solictor, both off you, arrange certains days that will see his child and keep to it!
plus i would talk to the csa and get him paying for the child.
but both of you need to stop play tic for tat and grow up and think of that poor kid in the middle!!!!!
Firstly, you’re the one with the baby and he should therefore be the one making the effort to come and see you so that it is him doing all the travelling and not the baby. This is common-sense and if he won’t travel then he doesn’t deserve to see the baby.
Secondly, if you really is harrassing you then see a solicitor about getting some sort of non-pester order. You may also wish to make sure your child is protected legally through the courts in case he thinks of doing a runner with baby.
I would definitely visit a solicitor.
By accepting child support you are acknowledging he is the father and he has the legal right to apply for and get parental responsibility whether he is on the birth certificate or not.