Essentially, this issue boils down to gathering opinions on the idea of throwing someone out of their bedroom in order to claim it for my/our/self/selves. But allow me to pad out this issue a little bit first…
My boyfriend had "his bedroom" at his parents house, with all of his posessions in. He then went off to university. During this time, his older sister finished university herself, returned home, and claimed his room for herself, but as she said at the time "only temporarily". Fair enough, one might say. (At this point, I need to deviate slightly away from his older sister…)
Approximately a year later, I met my boyfriend while also in uni, and a year later again I decided to move to his local area (where his parents house is situated) to find work. I had a job, and we were house-sharing with his *other* sister and her family. However the landlord sold the property to a developer, so through no fault of our own, everyone in that house (myself, boyfriend, his other sister, and her family) have all had to move into my boyfriends parents house. Bottom line, there are 12 of us now in a small 3 bedroom house. Living is difficult, peace and tranquility are non-existant, as is sleep. Myself and my partner are sharing a small bedroom with 4 others (all children) at the moment, and as a result, our relationship is suffering through stress and lack of privacy. Our possessions either disappear, or are destroyed by the children, the room is a constant tip, the kids are still in the bedwetting stage, and once even urinated on our bed which is adding to the stress. My health has suffered, it has been that bad (3 colds and a bout of tonsilitis in 3 months!). We do not complain however, and have been trying to keep our heads down and grin and bear things as best as we can, as it’s not an ideal situation for anyone.
To deviate back towards the earlier mentioned sister who took my boyfriends bedroom – It is not even a case of her just having the room, because someone has to. However, this sister has a boyfriend who moved to the region about the same time everyone had to move back into the family home. He has moved 2 miles from the workplace that both he and the sister go to (as opposed to the 25 miles from this house to her work) so obviously, his sister is perminantly living round her boyfriends, and litterally sleeps here about one night every 2 weeks or so.
Bottom line, there is a bedroom here going unused while the rest of us are like sardines, which is not being given up because my boyfriends sister is a selfish cow. She likes having the room for the one night every so often that she bothers to grace us with her presence. She says she doesnt want to move out yet to be on her own (and why should she, when she has it cushy and rent free here?). Me and my boyfriend have offered her money for the room, even on a night by night basis on the nights when she isnt here – not interested. We have gone to their father and offered him money for the room – "not an option" apparently. Common sense is not prevailing and I don’t understand why not? To me, common sense would be myself and my boyfriend using that room, and then the bed that we currently use in the shared bedroom being used by his sister on the one night every so often that she is here. That may be misconstrued as bias, but sorry – to me that option is the lesser of the "evils". For 3 months we have bit our tongues and let her carry on hardly using the room, but now the situation is changing – myself and my partner have jobs – I start next week, as does he. We need our sleep, and we need our privacy. Also my job requires that I have a lot of paperwork, and client information, which is obviously confidential, and nowhere is safe in this house! I am terrified that through lack of sleep, this job will go pear shaped. Neither of us can let that happen. Our plan is to save for a couple of months for a deposit and move out anyway, but in the meantime, we want that (mostly) vacant room. We have considered everything from getting hold of another key and just moving her out one day while she is in work, changing the locks and moving us in, to just putting a damn sledgehammer through the door. My boyfriend is hell bent on getting that room back one way or another (although preferably using civilized methods, obviously – having failed with the cash offering routes, he wants to get a key or locksmith next). I have mentioned what if theyr father throws us out (because the sister in that room is the apple of their fathers eye!) as a possibilty, but really, what can he do?
Also, I’m 25 y/o, my boyfriend is 22 y/o, and the four kids in the bedroom range between 5 and 18.
Sorry for the epic wall of text, and I hope I made things clear(ish)!
Please advise… anything from advise to empathy would be appreciated.
Hmmm, I guess the point is being somewhat missed here.
Like I said, was unemployed until about 3 days ago, so until I start shitting out gold bullion, or have been in this job long enough to save some money to actually move out, moving out to solve the issue is not an option – Jumping out with no money saved seems very irresponsible to me. When I have my own place, I was to be able to actually afford it.
Also, I get the impression from some that it’s my boyfriend’s responsibility to "look after me and provide for us". Welcome to the 21st century, and like I said – he only got a job last week too. Do you really think moving out hadn’t occured to me? Just see earlier point – can’t go anywhere with no money which will come in from this job. I was kind of hoping for advice and thoughts on the issue in hand, not for the blatantly obvious which for the forseeable future is out of my hands… Never mind…